Writing an essay - the process in essence

I thought this would be a useful - if slightly cynical reminder to myself of how it goes...and to warn others ; )

1. Get assignment question
2. Break down the question - mild panic at word limit
3. Go online enthusiastically and track down books on google book search (add them to your library of things YOU MUST READ) and online databases - saving items that YOU MUST READ and printing them.
4. Begin reading...
5. Continue reading - use many highlighters (different colours preferred) whilst convincing yourself that highlighting whilst laying on the couch is GOOD WORK and PRODUCTIVE.
7. Start conversing with your friends/partner in the language of whichever theorist you have just read - when they start to get that glazed look in their eyes...desist.
8. Watch videos - convincing yourself that they are in some way related to you studies (Summer Heights High is VERY RELEVANT to my discussion of the concept of social class and the hidden curriculum in education.
9. Scour the internet for useful websites that YOU MUST READ....(eventually)
9b. Remember to WRITE ALL REFERENCES DOWN as you are collecting them....so you don't panic at the end with writing the reference list.
10. Begin writing - but remember to write the question IN YOUR OWN WORDS so you understand it...
11. Panic mildly at the number of days in the calender left to do this...yes, I know you have two weeks but it must be done NOW if you are to relieve yourself of this anxiety...
12. Read articles again focussing on the highlighted areas and make initially entries into your FIRST DRAFT (titled as such)...also begin a document titled: "GOOD QUOTES FOR ESSAY" - *warning* this may never be used but makes you feel productive anyway.
13. Finish first draft - read over and realise you have a loooong way to go.
14. Write introduction - this will usually take 4 to 5 hours and require many many rewrites.
15. Cut and paste the jigsaw that is your essay into place.
16. Insert headings to organise your jigsaw puzzle
17. Insert linking sentences between the headings
18. Write conclusion
19. Re-read
20. Realise that it makes no sense and start a brand new draft.
21. Copy and paste from your original draft using a new strategy (opposite approach to the one you employed before)
22. Re-read and edit
23. Under NO circumstances give it to another to read unless you are:
a. completely calm
OR
b. medicated
OR
c. slightly tipsy
Not being in one of these states will cause you to viciously attack the kind person who attempts to give you some CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM of your work....you will only see it as an attack on your and ALL THE WORK I HAVE DONE.
24. Read for final time - triple check spelling and references are done correctly (according to Harvard, APA etc....and that you have actually used them in your essay...more is not better if you haven't actually used them)
23. Login - attach - send...sigh....
24. Go and watch A FUNNY MOVIE.

The End